About

You ever have a dream so boring that in it you were reading the About page on a 30-year-old copywriter’s website?

Thanks for coming by. I learnt pretty early on in my illustrious career that appealing to everyone often means writing bland copy which does very little to set anyone’s heart on fire.

So, prospective employer, if you’re reading this just to get an understanding of who could write such drivel – and the mere thought of hiring me brings you one step closer to a stomach ulcer, then… great!

That says to me that any kind of recruiter who gets in touch must be convinced I’m a good fit for whatever role they have. But this isn’t just about work. I have a life too.

OK, where to start?

I think my deepest flaw is that I like Jeremy Clarkson. I grew up watching Top Gear and developed a soft spot for him before realising how truly obnoxious he is. It plagues me on a near-daily basis. This admission has been the bit of this website I’ve deleted and rewritten the most. It makes the decision about including the bum shaving article look rather minor.

I can also pinpoint the moment I stopped believing in God. I was eleven years old and sat in my Dad’s car whilst he was at work. My rabbit (Cinnamon) had been put down the day before and I wondered why He would do such a thing. I don’t think Grandma noticed me only mouthing along to the Lord’s Prayer in the years afterwards.

Hmm, maybe I’m being a bit too earnest.

OK, I aspire to one day have a dog big enough to wrestle. I’ve always wanted to do so since I was a kid. Sadly, my cat (Pooki) was no match and my brother wasn’t hairy enough.

Ah, wait. I’ve mentioned two of my childhood pet’s names now. I think all I need to mention now is my favourite primary school teacher and you’d be able to defraud me over the internet almost instantly.

I made this website btw. Well, made – I made it with Squarespace. I think it looks OK but I also have a sneaking suspicion it’s slower than a sloth riding a steamroller. On a glacier.

Also, typical – I feel like every podcast I listen to has Squarespace as a sponsor, but as soon as I want to use the discount codes they offer, they all disappear. So this is my hard-earned money keeping this party going. You’re welcome.

Right, that’s it! If you want to know more you’ll have to actually talk to me.